Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Real Life, Mom Life: Partpartum Anxiety feat. Neck Knife

I am about to get super personal here today.
I don't think anyone knows this but before I was even pregnant I was diagnosed with asthma induced anxiety. I am a worrier and every time I was feeling anxious I would have a hard time breathing. I was put on medication but it didn't really help. Inhalers wouldn't do the trick either. After trying out a few things I decided that I didn't want to be treated with medication and I just wanted to try and work this out. I started meditating and thinking more positively and it actually went away, for the most part.
Then I got pregnant and had a baby and postpartum anxiety hit me strong. It was the worst at night. I would have all of these irrational fears take over my mind. Every news article I read online or glanced at on Facebook would send me into a panic attack. I would read articles about people trying to steal others kids while grocery shopping. Boston was born during the winter, right in the middle of cold and flu season so I already didn't want to leave the house. This meant that my 3 months of maternity leave were spent indoor. At the time, it was normal, I didn't mind it one bit. But now looking back I realize how trapped I was. I never left the house alone with Boston unless it was to a doctors appointment. If I had to grocery shop I would wait until Braden came home and we could all go together or Braden would stay home with Boston and I would go. I couldn't do it. I couldn't risk it.
Things got better, I was braver, and I left the house. But I never left without pepper spray. Boston is now 1 year old and I can honestly say that I don't think I have left the house alone with him more than a dozen times. Yes, I am still paranoid.
Things got better until about 8 months pp when we moved Boston into his own room. I couldn't sleep. It probably took us a whole month of trying until Boston was actually in his own room. I would be paranoid that someone would break in and take him. I bought these alarms to put on the windows just incase that were to happen. But I still couldn't sleep. Boston would start the night in his own room and part way through the night he would end up in ours.
He is now in his own room, my anxiety is better but I still never leave the house alone with him unless I have some sort of protection. This is where my neck knife comes in. I mentioned it a little while ago on Instagram and I had several questions about it. It is from Quarter Master. They don't sell my exact knife anymore but just search "neck knife" and a lot of others will pop up.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for being so candid. You know, I just realized that I must have had/maybe still have postpartum anxiety too. I guess I kind of just thought it was a normal part of parenting, at least with a first child. I really need to look into that knife too! Thanks.